A Break

For the past two years, when August finally rolled around, you could find me busily preparing my kids and myself for school. I became obsessed with notebooks, pens, pencils, index cards, highlighters, staples, backpacks, books.

I love the line from You've Got Mail where Joe Fox writes to Kathleen Kelly: "Don't you just love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address." Seriously, if Ben sent me a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils, I'd be in heaven...or close to it.

This year is different. Although you can probably still find me roaming the aisles at Staples or the school supply area at Wal-Mart, you won't find me at school. I've decided to take a break for a while. This decision did not come lightly or easily, but it came nonetheless.

There are several reasons for my break from higher education, one of which is the fact that I was losing focus at home. Some nights were so full of homework that things that needed to get done, things that helped me keep my sanity, were not getting done. Like dishes in the sink or a dirty kitchen table. And don't even talk to me about how my bathrooms were beginning to look. I know these seemingly meaningless household chores might not be the most important things in the world, but I LIKE having a clean house, and the fact that it never was clean was beginning to drive me insane.

I also didn't have enough time for my kids. I was caught up in getting everything done at school that my family suffered. I see it more in hindsight than I did at the moment. I kept telling myself what a good example I was setting for them by making this commitment to get my bachelor's degree. And while getting as much education as possible is key to success in life, putting my children 2nd in line does nothing for setting a good example. I didn't even have time to volunteer in the classroom, which is something I love doing. It's great to see how my children function in that setting, and I missed out last year.

Ben is also going to school, but he is working toward his masters in education. He'll graduate in Spring of 2011, so he only has one year left. He went last year, which means there were two of us going to college last year. And let me tell you, our house turned upside-down because of it.

I also struggled personally with going to school. I have this horrible habit/personality trait of taking an all-or-nothing stance, except for me it's never on the nothing side. Sometimes that can be a good thing, but when it came to school, and especially grades, I was far too set on getting that A!

So now what? Well, my plan is to wait until Riley is in first grade, which gives me two full years to think, and then I'll decide if I'm ready to go back to school. I'm not deciding right now because right now this break from school feels so good that I'd never go back. My hope is that in two years I will positively know what I want from college, and find a better balance between home and school. And if I don't go back, I'm really okay with that. As old-fashioned and "Leave It To Beaver" as it sounds, I like being a mom and a wife. I like doing laundry and keeping my house clean. I love when I make dinner and Ben and the kids tell me how delicious it is. I love my sanity...or what's left of it.

So give me that string of pearls, June Cleaver. I'm ready.