I know this is something I've never been good at. I'll usually deflect the comment right back at the person who gave it and say that whatever they commented of me isn't as nice as that same thing they have. Confused? Here's an example from my study group last night.
Four of us, three girls and one guy, are studying for Nutrition. The girl sitting next to me has this beautiful handwriting that has real personality. I commented on it by saying:
"I love your handwriting. It has such personality"
"Oh, it doesn't look like this after an hour or so of writing. It progressively gets worse. I was just admiring yours and how tidy it is."
"No, mine is so boring!" I say.
"No, yours is great, mine is so sloppy," said another girl in the group.
Meanwhile, the boy studying with us slowly and quietly shuts his notebook, as to not reveal the "style" of his handwriting. Too funny.
I just think it's interesting how (and I'm making a generalization, but I think it's pretty accurate) most girls have trouble accepting compliments. It's like we're never happy with what we have. I don't notice guys doing that so much. But then again, you usually don't hear guys saying things like, "Dude, you have awesome handwriting," do you?
9 comments:
I'm glad you blogged about this. But, I think a lot of guys have this problem, too. I had a friend, who constantly made me practice just saying "you're welcome" when I received a compliment. I am so grateful to him for that.
Amen! I have noticed myself doing the same thing. In my defense, it was an example set for me from childhood. We think we're being modest, but I think we need to be grateful. Great post.
There are a few things in life that "get my goat." Like "I'm terrible at math," or "I'm a terrible cook," on and on it goes. How many times do we say "one thing that I do really well is...?" Confidence is totally different than being self-centered stuck up and so on. We should say thank you. I love to compliment, and of course I love to receive them. I really only love to receive them from genuine people. I disregard them from people I don't view as genuine.
If the Cardine's friend is who I think it is, he and I have discussed this issue, too. It surprised me how irritated he becomes when he gives a girl a compliment only to have it shut down instead of gratefully accepted. I'd never thought of it before and since then have made a concerted effort to be better. For some odd reason, though, it isn't easy. Weird, eh?
I like what Laurel said about thinking we're being modest but really being ungrateful. So true!
Great topic! Oh, and that last bit made me giggle! :)
Cardine - It's harder than it seems to just say "thank you" when I receive a compliment. Ben usually smacks me around when I am ungrateful about it!
Laurel - I agree completely. We try to say we're modest when we just don't know how to accept compliments. I think a big reason behind this is because we're never satisfied with ourselves.
Lori - You are one of those people who helped me to give someone a compliment, and to take them better. Thanks!
Julie - Like I said, it's so difficult to take a compliment. It's like I pretend to be unsatisfied with myself just to "fit in" when in reality I'm pretty happy with myself for the most part. It's amazing what society can do.
Sometimes I don't want to let people have misconceptions about me, so I will try to "even out" their black/white compliments to me. For instance if they say something using the words "always" or "never." I want to clarify for them the way it really is, so they don't go on thinking something untrue, even if it is flattering. So, in that case, it may seem like I'm not accepting their compliment.
Did that make sense?
Sarah - Yes, that makes sense. I know I tend to say always or never a lot more than I mean them.
So true, so true. Reminds me of Uchtdorfs talk at the Womens conference. Did you hear it?
Tearese - No, I missed it. I was a slacker. I heard it was really good though. Thank goodness for the November Ensign.
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